Manifestation and Vision Boards

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I’ve been very down and out of it recently. I don’t feel like doing anything. At the same time, I feel guilty for wasting my days away. Most days, I don’t even have the energy to get out of bed. In the last two days, I have binged on 2 entire K-drama series and countless videos on YouTube. I read somewhere that the only consistent hobby our generation has is media consumption. At times like this, it feels like the truth. I try and tell myself that I need the rest, and this is my body’s way of slowing down. But rest from what? I don’t have a job, all my time is my own. I can’t figure it out, and that only makes me feel worse.

The dip in my energy levels is accompanied by a desire to distance myself from everyone around me. Except for the people who live in my house, I haven’t really made an effort to talk to anyone else. My phone barely pings nowadays, and honestly, as I am writing this, I remember that I haven’t seen it since yesterday. This isn’t normal, but it happens sometimes. I used to love talking to people. But now, I just don’t feel like putting in a lot of effort. And communication is a two-way street isn’t it? I don’t mind being the friend who initiates conversation usually, but I’m waiting to see what happens this time around. Anyway, who needs two-sided conversations when you can listen to YouTubers talk to you all day long right?

After going down endless rabbit holes on YouTube, I landed on something that sparked my interest. I mean, it at least made me change my position on my bed. It may not sound like a lot, but it is. I came across an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Reese Witherspoon and Mindy Kaling. In it, Oprah declares to the interviewer that she is an “extremely powerful manifestor’. What does that mean? Apparently, Oprah doesn’t need ‘vision boards’ anymore to manifest her best / ideal life. She can do without. Or so she claims. But seeing as how she is Oprah, I’m willing to believe in her skills of manifestation. She says that the trick to manifesting whatever you want is to meet the ‘frequency / vibrations’ of your desires exactly as they are. You cannot be vibrating at a different frequency – either lower or higher. She never explained what she meant by this though. But everyone in the room agreed on this, and the clip ended. But I got curious. And so it began.

If you didn’t know, manifestation is a big thing right now. Everyone is talking about it. All the kids, all the celebrities and even all the spiritual gurus. There are debates on how best to manifest the life you want. Is it the law of attraction or the law of assumption that works better? Hmm.

I think the general idea is to have a list of things you want to achieve in life, or experience in life and then imagine with conviction that it will come true. If you look it up there are a lot of people telling you about ‘the best method’ or the ‘most powerful method’ of manifestation. And if you didn’t know, they get pretty into it with the details. I have in fact even come across someone telling me to: (1) write down exactly what I want (get as specific as I can with the details); (2) tear out the paper and put it under my pillow and (3) repeat the affirmation “I will receive everything I have asked for and more. I am loved. Abundance flows through me freely.” Good intentions yes, but oddly specific I thought. I’m not a believer in all these specifics, but I do like the idea of manifesting a life that I want, and not just passively receiving anything that comes my way. And before any of you scoff at it, keep in mind that it isn’t just the kids on YouTube or self-help gurus that talk about manifestation. There are actual quantum physicists who support this. I’ve started listening to talks by Dr. Joe Dispenza (and even bought a book of his titled ‘Becoming Supernatural’). He talks about this a lot. The idea that we can ‘reprogram our subconscious’ and ‘create the reality’ we want – given that multiverses and alternate realities exist around us all the time anyway.

Central to the idea of manifestation (at least, according to the YouTube gurus, I don’t know if scientists support this) is making a vision board for yourself. If you don’t know how to make one, don’t worry. There are, as with everything else, a lot of people online talking about how you can make both a virtual and a physical vision board. It isn’t that difficult. I think the idea is to pick a bunch of things you want to make a part of your future. For example, I love houses built in the style of tuscan villas. I would ideally, love to own a house with a garden someday. So, I picked a couple of these images and stuck them onto my board. I love the idea of travelling to Japan someday, so on it goes. You get the idea.

I made a virtual vision board and set it as the desktop image of my laptop. Since this is the thing I stare into most of the times, I figured it wouldn’t harm me to look at what I am (or what I should be) working towards once in a while. For now, the thing I’m manifesting the hardest is an end to this depressive episode, and the willingness to get out of bed.

Starting something new

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I’m stuck. I can’t decide. Apparently, the best time to start something is now. That is at least, how the saying goes. The one about planting trees. The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago, and the second best time is now. On the other hand, this is probably the worst time for me personally to be starting something new. I have a couple of things on my plate right now. I also know that the excitement of starting something new will make me forget about all the things I already have lined up. My biggest fear is that I will keep starting new projects without finishing the earlier ones. Apparently, this is a thing in psychology too. Where you are likely to give up on something as soon as you think you have attained some level of mastery over it, or at the very least, understood the basics. On the other hand though, I don’t want to use the things I am already working on as an excuse to not start because I am too scared to do it.

Like with this blog. My biggest fear when starting this blog was that I would sound stupid. Talking about all these things that must be happening to other people, who are probably smarter and better equipped to talk about them. I was nervous beyond measure before I started publishing. I had to push myself to make this website. One of the things that helped me was paying for the domain name for an entire year upfront. I figured, I’m not going to do anything with my time till I bully myself into it. I can either get on with it, or sit on it. I decided on the former. Then there was the whole thing of learning how to navigate this site. The site is still pretty basic, but even to get to this point was a struggle. I debated paying someone to do it for a long time. I see a lot of blog pages that look so polished. I wanted one of those. But I had to stop myself. The purpose (as I often need to remind myself) is to get out of my comfort zone and learn something new. So, I did. But again, I did have to bully myself to learn this. Every time I set out to learn something new, I get frustrated when I can’t master it in the first try. Illogical as that may sound, it is the truth. Pushing past all that, I landed on a bare bones (but I hope decent) site for myself. Now, what to write? Do I have anything to contribute? Am I an expert in anything? Do I even write well? No, no and no. Agonising over my first post was probably the most uncomfortable part of my blogging experience.

In the end, I realised two things. It is no use pretending. Since I’m not an expert at anything, I decided to just write about whatever I want, however I want, without worrying about how other people might receive it. I hope everyone who reads my blog resonates with some of the things I have to say, but if not, then I am going to keep writing for myself. The only thing that matters, to my mind, is that I write with discipline and consistency. I am determined to earn the privilege of having people listen to what I say, but more than that, I am determined to read more, be better informed, become a better writer, and to write everyday.

The second thing I realised was that once you get over the fear of publishing your first post, you realise, it really wasn’t that big of a deal. No one waits around with bated breath to see every thing you do and to laugh at all your mistakes. Honestly, no one is bothered. The only person who spends all their time thinking about you is you. Everyone else is just trying to get on with their lives. So, instead of living a half life for the imaginary audience in your head, go ahead and do whatever you want to do.

This brings me to the thing I want to start next. YouTube. I’ve wanted to do this for a while now. I don’t really want to do it for any reason other than because I love making videos. But again, every single insecurity and discomfort I had when starting a blog is coming back to me magnified. I just need to remember that no one cares, so I might as well live a full and enjoyable life. Untalented as I may be, I remain entirely determined to go after what I want.